Tag Archives: Charan

Secrets of God’s Hidden Names and Segulot for Fertility

“Jacob’s Ladder” by Stemler and Cleveland (1925)

This week’s parasha is Vayetze, and begins with Jacob’s departure from the Holy Land towards Charan. Along the way, he has his famous dream of the ladder ascending to Heaven. The Torah introduces this passage with an interesting set of words: “And he encountered the place and lodged there because the sun had set…” (Genesis 28:11) What does the Torah mean when it says that Jacob “encountered” the place, v’ifgah, as if he literally bumped into it? And which “place” is it referring to? Traditionally, this verse has been interpreted to mean that Jacob had arrived at the place, the holiest point on Earth—the Temple Mount. Indeed, after waking from his dream Jacob names the place Beit El, “House of God”.

A more mystical interpretation has it that Jacob encountered God, as one of God’s names is Makom, “Place”. This Name of God denotes God’s omnipresence, the fact that God is everywhere, and more than this, that God literally is everywhere. God fills all space, and is every place. In his Understanding the Alef-Beis (pg. 153), Rabbi Dovid Leitner points out something incredible. When we think of place, or space, we think of area. Area is measured by multiplying the width and length of a space, or “squaring” it. This is why measurements of area are given in squared units, like square feet or square metres. What happens when we “square” the values of God’s Ineffable Name?

The sum of the “squared” value of God’s Name is 186, equivalent to the value of Makom (מקום), God’s Name of “Place”!

The Sufficient One

Another of God’s lesser-known Names is El-Shaddai, literally “the God that is Enough”, or “the Sufficient God”. On the simplest of levels, it means that Hashem is the one and only God, and none other is necessary. The Talmud (Chagigah 12a) comments that this Name means that God is the one who told the Universe dai, “enough” or “stop”. This alludes to the origins of the universe, as God began His creation with a massive burst of instantaneous expansion which then quickly slowed down, as science has finally corroborated.

Building on the Talmud, the Arizal saw within El-Shaddai an allusion to the tzimtzum, the primordial “contraction” of God’s Infinity to produce a “space” within which He could create a finite world. Rabbi Leitner points out (pg. 153) how “contracting” the letters dalet and yud of El-Shaddai makes a letter hei, which represents God.

Our purpose is to similarly find God within this universe, which is nothing more than a contraction and concealment of God’s Oneness.


Interestingly, both El-Shaddai and the letter hei are associated with reproduction and fertility. The first time that the name El-Shaddai appears in the Torah is when God comes to a 99-year old Abraham to bless him and Sarah with a child (Genesis 17:1). God adds the letter hei to their names, thus altering their fate and making them fertile. The second time El-Shaddai appears is in Isaac’s blessing to Jacob: “And El-Shaddai will bless you, and make you fruitful, and multiple you, and you shall be a congregation of peoples.” (Genesis 28:3) Similarly, the third appearance of this Name is when God Himself blesses Jacob: “I am El-Shaddai, be fruitful and multiply, a nation and a congregation of nations will come from you…” (Genesis 35:11) Not surprisingly, some have made the connection between El-Shaddai and shaddaim, the Biblical word for breasts, the latter being a symbol of fertility.

Meanwhile, the Arizal points out (Sha’ar HaPesukim on Vayetze) that because the letter hei is associated with fertility, Rachel was the only wife of Jacob that struggled with infertility, since she is the only wife without a hei in her name. (Leah, לאה; Bilhah, בלהה; and Zilpah, זלפה were the other wives.) Since changing one’s name is one of several things that can change one’s fate (along with charity, prayer, repentance, and changing locations, as per the Talmud, Rosh Hashanah 16b) it has been suggested that a woman struggling with infertility may wish to change her name to one that has a hei in it.

Today, there is a long list of segulot to help woman conceive. One is for a husband to be called up to the Torah on Rosh Hashanah for the haftarah reading of Hannah, who also struggled to conceive before being blessed with Samuel. Another is for a woman to immerse in the mikveh right after a pregnant woman. A third is having the husband light Shabbat candles first (without a blessing), then having the wife extinguish them, and relight them (with blessing). This is said to be a tikkun for the sin of Eden, where Eve caused the consumption of the Fruit and the subsequent “extinguishing” of the divine light. The woman relights the candles that she extinguished, thus performing a spiritual rectification.

Rav Ovadia Yosef was not a big fan of any of these or other fertility segulot, but did hold by one: consuming an etrog after Sukkot. Having said that, because etrogim are very sensitive species and are typically not eaten anyway, they are cultivated with massive amounts of pesticides and other chemicals. They should be washed thoroughly and eaten sparingly.

Lastly, there are those who maintain that the best segulah for fertility is to go to a fertility doctor!

The Kabbalah of Bar Mitzvah

This week’s parasha, Lech Lecha, begins with God’s command to Abraham to leave Charan for the Holy Land. The Torah tells us that Abraham was 75 years old at this point, on which the Zohar (I, 78a) comments:

And this is why the soul will not start fulfilling the mission it was commanded to perform until it has completed thirteen years in this world. Because only from the twelfth year is the soul aroused to complete its task. Therefore it is written that “Abraham was seventy five years old”, since seven and five equals twelve.

The Zohar employs a method of gematria known as mispar katan, “small” or “reduced value”, where the digits of a multi-digit number are themselves summed up to produce an “inner” number. In this case, 75 reduces to 12. The Zohar explains that it is only when a person turns 13 that their true soul begins to be aroused. Until that age, a child is dominated by the yetzer hara, the evil inclination. Indeed, it is the nature of a child to be selfish. This is expressed in its greatest form with a newborn, who is completely unconcerned about their parents’ wellbeing. As the child grows, they slowly learn to become less selfish and more selfless. By 13, they are (supposed to be) fully cognizant of this struggle, and now have the ability to truly overcome their yetzer hara.

The Arizal elaborates on this through an exposition of the five levels of soul. While many think of a soul as being a single entity, it is in fact a collage of many sparks distributed among five major layers. The lowest level of the soul is nefesh, which is simply the life force. The nefesh is found not only in humans, but all living organisms. The Torah cautions (Deut. 12:23) that one should not consume blood with meat because hadam hu hanefesh, the blood is (or contains) the life force of the animal.

The layer above the nefesh is the ruach, an animating “spirit”, which the Sages state is housed within the heart, and encapsulates one’s inclinations, both good and bad. Then comes the most important soul, the neshamah, whose seat is in the brain. This generates the mind of a person, and makes up their identity and inner qualities. Beyond the neshamah is the chayah, the “aura” that emanates from a person’s body, and the highest level of soul is the yechidah, a spiritual umbilical cord of sorts that connects one to their source in Heaven.

In the introduction to Sha’ar HaGilgulim, Rabbi Chaim Vital writes that a newborn child has expressed their nefesh, and begins to tap into their ruach. By age 13, the ruach has fully developed (in most cases), and now the person begin to access their neshamah. It is expected that the neshamah will be expressed in its fullest by the age of 20. This is why the Torah considers one who has reached 20 years to be an adult. The multiple censuses taken in the Torah only counted those above 20, and only those above this age were fit for military or priestly service. Similarly, the Midrash (Beresheet Rabbah 14:7) states that Adam and Eve were created as 20 year olds. For this reason, the Sages teach that although an earthly court can try a person over the age of 13, the Heavenly courts only try people over the age of 20. (See Sanhedrin 89b, and Rashi on Numbers 16:27.)

We can now understand why the Zohar above states that a person only begins to fulfil their task in this world starting at 13. It is at this age that they begin to tap into their neshamah, the most unique of the five souls, which contains one’s identity and purpose. We can understand why the Zohar says that before 13, one is dominated by the yetzer hara, for in this period one is still growing within their ruach, which contains the evil inclination. And based on this, we can understand the significance of a bar mitzvah.

What is a Bar Mitzvah?

The Mishnah (Avot 5:22) states:

At five years old, one should begin the study of Scripture. At ten, the study of Mishnah. Thirteen, the obligation to observe the mitzvot. Fifteen, the study of Talmud. Eighteen, marriage. Twenty, to pursue. Thirty, for strength. Forty, for understanding. Fifty, for counsel. Sixty, to be an elder. Seventy, for fulfilment. Eighty, for fortitude…

Jerusalem, 1999: A mass Bar Mitzvah celebration by the Western Wall for Soviet immigrants.

The Mishnah tells us that a 13 year old becomes obligated in fulfilling the mitzvot. This is tied to the age of puberty (see Niddah 45b), and since girls begin this stage of life earlier, their age for mitzvot is 12. At this age, boys and girls are ready; their ruach now fully developed, and with it the ability to overcome tests and challenges. Their neshamah begins to emerge as well, meaning that they can start to find their unique niche in this world. By 20, it is hoped that a person has figured it out, and can now pursue it, as the above Mishnah states. Of course, many do not have it figured out by 20, and the Arizal maintains that some never tap into the full potential of their neshamah at all. This is particularly true in our generation.

It is therefore of tremendous importance to guide and encourage bar mitzvahs and bat mitzvahs in their personal development, and to provide them with not only a physical education, but a spiritual one. It is imperative to remember that while these young people are not yet adults, they are no longer children either, and should not be treated as such. They should be challenged. They should be given responsibilities, and much more than just making their beds. Otherwise, they risk remaining in a state of immaturity and entitlement for the rest of their lives. The Midrash (Pirkei d’Rabbi Eliezer 26) states that it was precisely when Abraham turned 13 that he recognized God, rejected the immorality of his society, and began his life’s good work. Let’s inspire our youths to do the same.

Embracing Converts, and the Seeds of Amalek

'The Meeting of Jacob and Esau' by Gustav Doré

‘The Meeting of Jacob and Esau’ by Gustav Doré

This week’s parasha is Vayishlach, which recounts Jacob’s return and settlement in the Holy Land after twenty years of living in Charan. At the end of the parasha is a long list of the genealogies of Jacob’s brother, Esau. The list seems unnecessary, and many Sages have wondered why the Torah bothers to spend so much time recounting Esau’s descendants. There have even been debates on whether the entire text of the Torah is equally holy, or if passages like the Ten Commandments are holier than passages such as this list of Esau’s genealogies. Meanwhile, the Arizal states that many of the deepest secrets of Creation are embedded particularly in this seemingly boring and superfluous passage. He draws particular significance from the list of the kings of Edom. The Arizal says these kings are codenames for the Sefirot, and a careful reading of the text reveals the cosmological rectifications (tikkunim) required to repair all of Creation and restore the world to perfection.

About half way through the list we are told that “… the sister of Lotan was Timna” (Genesis 36:22). Again, the Sages are baffled at this extra addition. We already care little enough that there was once an Edomite chief named Lotan – who cares that he had a sister named Timna? The Talmud (Sanhedrin 99b) notes how there were those who scoffed at such verses, saying: “Did Moses have nothing better to write?” And then, the same page of Talmud comes in to explain its tremendous significance:

Timna was a royal princess… Desiring to become a proselyte, she went to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, but they did not accept her. So she went and became a concubine to Eliphaz the son of Esau, saying, “I’d rather be a servant to this people than a mistress of another nation.” From her, Amalek was descended, who afflicted Israel. Why so? Because they should not have repulsed her!

The Talmud combines the verse in question – which states that Timna was the royal sister of the chief, or prince, Lotan – with an earlier verse (36:12) that says she married Esau’s son Eliphaz and bore Amalek. She wished to convert to Judaism and approached the Patriarchs. All three rebuffed her. So, she ended up with Eliphaz – the closest she could get to being part of the nation. This union gave rise to the evil Amalek, that antagonizing force which has been oppressing Israel for millennia. The Sages state that the Patriarchs should have embraced this potential convert, instead of pushing her away. Their failure to open their arms led to centuries of Jewish suffering. The Talmud sends a pretty clear message: gentiles and converts should not be turned away, and doing so only breeds more resentment against Jews, bringing out all of the world’s “Amaleks”.

Soulmates of Jacob and Moses

The Arizal comments on the Timna passage and points out something even more amazing. He taught (Sha’ar HaMitzvot, Shoftim) that Timna was actually the soulmate of Jacob! Timna contained a great deal of holiness, and Jacob was meant to convert her and marry her, thereby elevating her spiritual sparks. That would have been a massive tikkun of its own, and would have hastened the coming of Mashiach. Instead, Jacob rejected her, and she went on to produce Amalek, bringing evermore evil into the world, and further delaying the coming of Mashiach.

The Arizal highlights that Moses made a similar mistake in not consummating his marriage to the Cushite (Ethiopian) woman. Both Tzipporah and the Cushite woman were Moses’ soulmates, and while Moses did the right thing in converting the Cushite, he never properly married her. Her sparks of holiness were not fully elevated, and the tikkun was left incomplete. This is why Aaron and Miriam were upset with their brother, as we read later in Numbers 12:1, “And Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Cushite woman whom he had married…”

Rabbi Akiva’s 24,000 Students in Shechem

In this week’s parasha, too, we read how the people of Shechem genuinely wished to unite with Jacob’s family, agreed to circumcise themselves, and converted en masse. However, Jacob’s sons Shimon and Levi rejected them and resorted to violence in avenging what was done to their sister Dinah. Jacob was horrified at the actions of his sons, and later did not bless the two on his deathbed. It appears their sin was never forgiven, as hundreds of years later the tribes of Shimon and Levi were not given set borders within the Holy Land, but only a handful of cities interspersed among the other tribes. Kabbalistic texts reveal that Shimon and Levi killed 24,000 people in Shechem, and these 24,000 converted souls later reincarnated as the 24,000 students of Rabbi Akiva!

All of these narratives point to the same lesson: converts should be welcomed and accepted wholeheartedly. They have the potential for great holiness. The Talmud (Bava Kamma 38a) states that a gentile who occupies himself with Torah is equal to a kohen gadol, a High Priest! The Arizal describes five types of Jewish souls, and the souls of converts are among the purest. (The other types are “Old Souls”, “New Souls”, “True New Souls”, and the “Souls of Cain and Abel”. Of these, the most impure are Old Souls.) It goes without saying that there is no place for racism of any kind within Judaism – Moses himself married a black woman, and was reprimanded for not being diligent in consummating that union.

Historically, Jews were never the proselytizing kind. There are no Jewish missionaries that go out knocking on the doors of gentiles to seek converts. At the same time, Judaism was rarely a popular religion to convert in to. But this will change very soon, and we have to be ready for that day, for the prophet Zechariah (8:23) predicted:

It shall come to pass that ten men shall take hold – from all the languages of the nations – shall take hold of the corners of a Jew’s clothes, saying: “We will go with you, for we have heard that God is with you…”

Jacob’s Sheep: Genetics and Epigenetics in the Torah

geneticsThis week’s parasha is Vayetze, where we read of Jacob’s arrival in Charan and the details of his twenty-year sojourn there. During this time, Jacob married (twice), had a dozen children, and toiled for his cruel father-in-law Laban. Laban recognized that he had been blessed exceedingly on account of Jacob’s presence, and offered him a new wage for his labour. By this point, Jacob knew not to trust the sly Laban, and asked simply for ownership of all the speckled and spotted sheep. Since these imperfect-looking sheep were few in number, Laban readily agreed. It appears that both Laban and Jacob were well aware of the basic principles of genetics. Today, we know that sheep have 17 or so different colour alleles, and white colour is the dominant one.

For those who have forgotten high school biology: An allele is a variation of a gene. So, for example, all humans have a gene for eye colour, but have different alleles that code for the varying colours: some have alleles for blue eyes, while others have brown eyes, etc. Each person has two alleles for every gene – one from their mother, and one from their father. Certain alleles are “dominant”, while others are “recessive”. Dominant alleles are far more likely to be expressed. In humans, brown eye colour is dominant to blue eye colour, which is why some 55% of people have brown eyes, while only about 8% have blue eyes.

Basic "Punnet squares" showing the probabilities of eye colour for the children of fully brown-eyed and blue-eyed parents, and a brown-eyed parent who carries a blue allele.

Basic “Punnet squares” showing the probabilities of eye colour for the children of fully brown-eyed and blue-eyed parents, and a brown-eyed parent who carries a blue allele. (Courtesy: The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill)

White is the dominant allele for sheep colour, so Laban assumed he was getting a terrific deal from Jacob, who was apparently ignorant of sheep genetics. In reality, Jacob knew sheep genetics quite well, and had something else up his sleeve. He only offered Laban this deal because he knew the greedy Laban would readily agree to it. So, how would Jacob outwit his father-in-law?

A Brief Introduction to Epigenetics

Jacob was evidently a far more knowledgeable geneticist than Laban, as he was aware of a concept that has only come to light in recent decades, called epigenetics. Epigenetics refers to various layers of heritability and genetic effects which are above, or outside of (hence the Greek prefix epi), the actual genetic code. In 2008, scientists defined an epigenetic trait as “stably heritable phenotype resulting from changes in a chromosome without alterations in the DNA sequence.” In simple terms: the chromosome that contains the genes is altered in some way without affecting the DNA sequence (the genetic code) itself. That alteration is heritable, too, and passed down from one generation to the next.

A number of epigenetic mechanisms have been discovered. The most common are methylations and acetylations, where small molecules are attached or removed from the DNA strand, causing it to coil either more tightly or less tightly. When the DNA coils more tightly, the gene is rendered inaccessible, and cannot be expressed. If uncoiled, the gene is exposed, and can be translated into the protein it codes for, thus expressing the trait.

Coiling of DNA and gene expression. (Courtesy: National Institutes of Health)

Coiling of DNA and gene expression. (Courtesy: National Institutes of Health)

While epigenetics is quite complicated, its implications are tremendous. What it means in practical terms is that even though a person has a certain gene, that gene does not necessarily have to be expressed, as it can be silenced through epigenetic mechanisms. For example, a person who has a gene that predisposes them to cancer, God forbid, could potentially have that gene suppressed, thus eliminating their increased cancer risk. (Though they don’t work in this precise fashion, epigenetic cancer drugs are now available.) This also applies to people who might be genetically predisposed to obesity, diabetes, Alzheimer’s, or theoretically, any trait at all. A person who has both brown and blue alleles does not necessarily have to have brown eyes (which is what we would expect based on principles of classical, or Mendelian, genetics). The brown eye allele can be silenced, allowing the blue allele to be expressed fully.

The same is true for Jacob’s sheep. While the alleles for speckled and spotted sheep are recessive, the dominant white allele can be suppressed, resulting in more speckled and spotted sheep. In the Torah, we read how Jacob took tree branches and stripped away some of their bark to expose the inner white layers so that their pattern resembled that of the speckled and spotted sheep. He then placed these branches in front of the white sheep that were mating, and this resulted in the white sheep producing more speckled and spotted offspring. In this way, Jacob was quickly able to multiply the number of irregular-looking sheep in the flocks, increasing his own wealth, and leaving Laban in utter surprise.

What does science have to say about this? Is it really possible for the white sheep to produce speckled and spotted offspring just by looking at speckled and spotted tree branches? Which factors actually affect epigenetics?

The Epigenetics Revolution

In northern Sweden lies a small, isolated town called Överkalix. This town kept detailed historical records, including births, illnesses, and deaths, as well as harvests and food prices. Researchers started poring over this data and noted a number of emerging patterns. Surprisingly, those who grew up in times of relative abundance tended to live shorter and sicker lives, while those who grew up in times of relative famine were healthier and lived longer! Even more shocking was that these traits passed on to their children and grandchildren. The grandsons of those who grew up in times of abundance lived roughly six years less than grandsons of those who grew up in times of famine!

The Överkalix study opened the door to much more research on the subject, and today we know that not only does food impact our epigenetics, but so does smoking, alcohol, exercise, and just about every lifestyle choice we make. Moreover, recent studies find that not only do our actions impact our epigenetics, but even our thoughts do! In 2013, scientists discovered that meditation affects epigenetic mechanisms and results in, among other things, less inflammation in the body, better stress responses, and faster mental processes.

TIME Magazine Feature on Epigenetics

TIME Magazine Feature on Epigenetics

Epigenetics has brought about a revolution in biology, and a new realization that we are not slaves to our genome. We are very much in control of how our genes operate, and seemingly every choice we make affects our health and wellbeing, as well as the health and wellbeing of our children and grandchildren, since these epigenetic patterns are heritable. This is one of the most enlightening and liberating scientific findings, putting each person in the driver’s seat of their biological fate. It should also motivate us to make healthy lifestyle choices because, even if we might not care so much about our own health, the health of our offspring is directly impacted by our choices.

The Return of Jacob’s Sheep

If meditation plays a role in how our genes are expressed, there is no reason why other mental processes cannot do the same. By visually exposing his sheep to speckled and spotted images, Jacob may very well have triggered an epigenetic change resulting in suppression of white alleles. Neurologists have long known that there is essentially no difference in brain patterns when a person is literally seeing something versus when they are simply visualizing the same thing. If mental visualizations like meditation can affect the epigenome, then why not actual visual displays? Armed with this knowledge, Jacob outwitted his father-in-law and became an exceedingly wealthy man.

Of course, one cannot deny God’s role in the process, as Jacob himself explained to his wives (Genesis 31:7-9):

…your father mocked me and changed my wages ten times, but God did not permit him to harm me. If he would say, “Speckled ones shall be your wages,” all the animals would bear speckled ones, and if he would say, “Ringed ones shall be your wages,” all the animals would bear ringed ones. Thus, God separated your father’s livestock and gave it to me…

Changing one’s epigenetics is not so simple! As with everything else, a little help from Above is always needed. Jacob put in his effort by exposing the animals to stimulating sights, and God took care of the rest.

Jacob's sheep are unique not only in their colour, but also in that the rams have extra horns.

Jacob’s sheep are unique not only in their colour, but also in that the rams have extra horns.

Interestingly, this week saw the arrival of 119 “Jacob’s sheep” to Israel. This ancient breed of sheep originated in the Middle East approximately 5000 years ago. They were extirpated from the land of Israel long ago, but thankfully some survived and were brought across North Africa to Europe and finally America. The rare speckled and spotted sheep are in the Holy Land once more, perhaps a sign of the forthcoming return of all of Jacob’s children to their ancestral home.

Parenthood and “Daddy Issues” in the Torah

This week’s Torah portion is Toldot, which begins by stating that “…Isaac was the son of Abraham; Abraham begot Isaac.” If Isaac was the son of Abraham, then obviously Abraham begot Isaac! Why the redundancy? Rashi comments that since Abraham miraculously had Isaac at such an old age, people questioned whether Isaac was truly his son or not. Thus, God made Isaac’s physical appearance nearly identical to that of Abraham, so that no one would doubt Isaac was Abraham’s son. Meanwhile, midrashic sources point out that sons are often ashamed of their fathers, or fathers of their sons, but Isaac proudly stated that he was the son of Abraham, and Abraham proudly said that he was the father of Isaac. This brings up an important matter that was as much a problem centuries ago when the Midrash was composed as it is today – what is commonly referred to as “daddy issues”.

The issue can be summarized as follows: fathers tend to be absent from their children’s lives, and this lack of attention and affection ends up creating a host of psychological and emotional problems in the kids. Studies show that “father absence” and “father deficit” leads to more behavioural problems, lower self-esteem, a higher likelihood of promiscuity and substance abuse, crime, relationship difficulties, and increased chances of developing mental disorders. These were precisely the issues with Abraham’s son Ishmael, and Isaac’s son Esau. In fact, when one reads the Torah with their psychiatric spectacles on, they will find dad issues abound:

Noah and Ham had major issues, as did Abraham and his father Terach, and Jacob famously favoured Joseph at the expense of his other sons. This last case incited a great deal of resentment among the sons, leading to Joseph’s sale into bondage. While Joseph benefited greatly from his father’s presence and became wholly righteous, the other sons developed the classic symptoms of “father deficit” listed above. We clearly see their moral issues, with Reuben “mounting his father’s bed” (Gen. 35:22); Shimon and Levi decimating the people of Shechem against their father’s wishes (Gen. 34:25); and Judah falling into the arms of an apparent prostitute (Gen. 38:15-16).*

We see similar difficulties in this week’s parasha. “And Isaac loved Esau because his game-meat was in his mouth, but Rebecca loved Jacob” (Gen. 25:28). Isaac was distant from Jacob, and his relationship with Esau was apparently superficial, too, conditional upon Esau bringing him delicacies. Isaac’s lack of genuine presence in his sons’ lives led to Esau’s bad character, Jacob’s trickery, and a discord between the brothers that tore the family apart.

'Isaac Blessing Jacob' by Bartolome Murillo (1665-1670)

‘Isaac Blessing Jacob’ by Bartolome Murillo (1665-1670)

We read how Rebecca is worried that Jacob would marry a local Canaanite, like Esau had done. The presence of Esau’s idolatrous wives absolutely “disgusted” Rebecca (27:46). She complains to Isaac to do something about this, and Isaac agrees to send Jacob to Charan to find a suitable spouse. Again, we see a serious lack of concern in Isaac; it is Rebecca that is stressing about the children.

The distance between Isaac and Jacob is made even clearer later in the Torah, when Jacob returns to Israel after twenty years of living with Laban in Charan. One would expect him to immediately rush to find his parents, whom he hasn’t seen in two decades. Instead, we read that Jacob settles in a place called Sukkot (33:17) before moving to live in Shechem for a while. He then lives in Beit-El for a number of years before moving to Migdal-Eder (35:21). Only after all of this happens does Jacob finally go to Mamre where Isaac is to be found (35:27). And the very next verse describes Isaac’s death. Depending on how the verses are read, either Jacob only went to see his father once Isaac passed away and needed to be buried, or Jacob’s long-awaited arrival is what triggered Isaac’s passing. Either way, the relationship between father and son is evidently quite cold.

The Akedah and Fatherhood

Perhaps Isaac acted this way because he was mirroring his own father. Indeed, “daddy issues” tend to pass from one generation to another, as sons often end up mimicking their fathers and treating their children the same way they were treated. We see no descriptions in the Torah of Abraham and Isaac doing much together. When God commands Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, the wording used is et bincha… asher ahavta, “your son… whom you loved.” Loved is used in the past tense, as if Abraham loved Isaac, but no longer does! Perhaps the two grew distant as Isaac became an adult (he was 37 years old at the time of the Akeidah). At the end of the passage, we read how Abraham returns to “his youths” but Isaac is not mentioned. When Abraham instructs Eliezer to go find a wife for Isaac, again Isaac is nowhere to be seen. He is living in a place called Be’er Lachai Ro’i while his father lives in Be’er Sheva.

In its commentary on parashat Toldot, the Zohar puzzles over the fact that Abraham did not give Isaac a deathbed blessing as was common in those days. Instead, the Torah tells us that Abraham passed away and it was God that blessed Isaac! (Gen. 25:11) The Zohar gives a fairly unsatisfying answer, and maintains that despite all of this, Abraham and Isaac really did have a good relationship.

Rabbi Tzvi Freeman put it best in his piece titled How To Be A Father. The rabbi points out that during the Akedah, when Isaac addresses his father, Abraham replies hineni bni. The term hineni – “here I am” – is precisely the one Abraham used when God called out to him. It suggests one’s total presence and awareness, as one would be before God. Rabbi Freeman sees Abraham telling Isaac hineni, “Here I am, my son. All of me. For all of you.” He goes on to suggest that “Perhaps that was the whole test. Perhaps, with that alone, Abraham proved that he was fit to be the father of the nation that would bring G‑d’s compassion into the world.”

I believe God’s command to Abraham to sacrifice his son was very much a wake-up call. As adults, Abraham and Isaac had grown apart. God needed to remind Abraham that a father must always be present in his child’s life. It was as if God was saying: Hey Abraham, remember that son whom you loved? What happened? If you’re going to act like Isaac is dead, you may as well go up and sacrifice him!

And now here was Abraham, walking up the mountain with Isaac; a dead, awkward silence between them. Suddenly, Isaac says, simply, avi? “My father?” The word strikes Abraham in the heart, and he realizes his error. He understands it all now, and replies: hineni bni. Yes, my son, I am here for you.

The lesson is for every parent to be present in their child’s life, throughout their life, regardless of age or time, place or circumstance. Across Jewish texts, the most common metaphor for the relationship between God and man is that of parent and child. We affectionately refer to God as avinu sh’bashamayim, “our Father in Heaven.” If that’s the case, then just as God is constantly present in our lives, watching over us at every moment, guiding us and supporting us, so too must parents always be there for their children, guiding them in the right direction, supporting them, and watching over them.


If Abraham and Isaac really did reconcile at the Akedah, then how do we deal with the issues mentioned previously? Why did Isaac not return with Abraham to the youths? The midrashic explanation is that Isaac actually ascended to Heaven for three years!

Why was Isaac not in Be’er Sheva with Abraham but in Be’er Lachai Ro’i? Rashi comments that while Abraham was busy finding a wife for Isaac, Isaac was busy finding a wife for his father, since Sarah had passed away and Isaac didn’t want his father to be alone. He went to Be’er Lachai Ro’i because that was where Hagar lived, and Isaac brought her back to Abraham. (Hagar is Keturah, Abraham’s wife in his final years. Rashi explains Hagar was called Keturah because she remained pure – like the Temple’s ketoret incense – during those many years she was separated from Abraham.)

Why didn’t Abraham bless Isaac on his deathbed? The Zohar says that he feared the wicked Esau would somehow draw that blessing towards evil. Abraham gave everything he had to Isaac (Gen. 25:5), but left it for God to bless him. Thus, the Zohar tells us that Abraham and Isaac did indeed have a great relationship, and as the Midrash says, Abraham was proud to call himself Isaac’s father, and Isaac was proud to call himself Abraham’s son.



*It is important to note that, of course, the sons of Jacob all repented for their sins, and were wholly righteous in their later years. Otherwise, they would never have merited to be the fathers of the Twelve Tribes!