Tag Archives: Sheva Berachot

The Meaning of Minyan

This week’s parasha (in the diaspora) is Shlach, centered around the infamous incident of the Spies. While highly unfortunate, we do learn from it the rule of having a minyan, the quorum of ten men needed for various prayers and rituals. Recall that Moses sent twelve spies total, and two came back with a positive report (Joshua and Caleb), while the other ten convinced the nation not to proceed with entering the Holy Land. God then refers to these ten as the edah hara’ah, the “wicked congregation” (Numbers 14:27). Rashi comments here that we learn from this the minimum number of men to be considered a “congregation” is ten. He cites the Talmud in Megillah 23b which uses this Torah verse as proof that a proper minyan needs at least ten. The Mishnah there starts the discussion by listing various practices that require a minimum of ten, including public Torah and Haftarah readings, birkat kohanim, the repetition of the Amidah, weddings, and funerals. (The Gemara goes on to clarify that the groom at a wedding or the mourner at the funeral do count among the ten.) While Talmud here does not explain why it is exactly that ten men are needed, the Zohar does.

The Ten Sefirot

The Zohar (I, 24a) says, as one might expect, that the ten men of a minyan correspond to the Ten Sefirot. Each person takes on one of the Sefirot, and serves as a “conduit” for one of the Sefirot, allowing the prayers to properly ascend Heavenward. Moreover, it is only in the presence of ten that the Shekhinah can be manifest. Elsewhere, the Zohar (I, 67b) finds an even earlier source for a minyan, pointing out that Abraham had asked God to spare Sodom for the sake of ten righteous people (Genesis 18:32). God replied that He would not destroy Sodom if there even ten good people there. From this we learn that ten good people who recognize God and pray to Him can potentially avert even the most catastrophic decrees—another excellent reason to regularly pray with a minyan! The Zohar here also notes that had there been ten righteous people in the times of Noah, the Great Flood itself would have been averted. Unfortunately, there were only eight good people at the time, the eight-member family of Noah that merited to be saved in the Ark.

Later still, the Zohar (I, 201a) points out another important minyan in the Torah: the sons of Jacob initially came down to Egypt in a quorum of ten (having left Benjamin behind). The Zohar says they were strong and protected as long as they stayed together as ten. Once Joseph imprisoned Shimon, only nine of them were left, and they were now spiritually unprotected and subject to harsh din. The Zohar here says that Hashem gets upset when one member of the minyan leaves and only nine are left. Meanwhile, the Talmud in Sotah (33a) brings another important teaching involving the story of Joseph:

The Talmud says that a person should not pray in Aramaic because angels do not understand Aramaic. This is specifically referring to when a person prays alone, and needs the assistance of angels to carry his prayers up. When it comes to communal prayers with a minyan, however, this isn’t necessary, presumably because the Shekhinah is already there anyway, and the assistance of angels is not required. Thus, communal prayers can be said in Aramaic, which would explain why Kaddish is in Aramaic and needs a minyan to be recited. (Lots more on the meaning and power of Kaddish here.) The Talmud here notes an exception to the general rule of angels not speaking Aramaic, pointing out that the angel Gabriel does speak Aramaic, and knows seventy languages, which were all taught to Joseph on that fateful night when he was released from prison and came before Pharaoh for the first time.

Children and Women in Minyan

Pirkei d’Rabbi Eliezer (Ch. 19) comments on the asor, King David’s ten-stringed instrument, that “All faithful testimonies of Israel need ten.” It goes on to list that “the testimony for the dead is through ten. The testimony for the public benediction of God’s Name is through ten. The testimony of the covenant of circumcision is through ten. The testimony for chalitzah is through ten, as it is said, ‘And he took ten men of the elders of the city…’” (Ruth 4:2) Based on this same verse in Ruth, the Talmud (Ketubot 7b) derives that a wedding and a Sheva Berakhot needs ten as well, since Boaz went on to marry Ruth immediately after. All of these rituals need a quorum of ten to parallel the Ten Sefirot and make the ceremony complete; to serve as conduits for blessings to effectively come down, and for prayers to effectively go up.

And that’s why it’s so powerful to be among the first ten in a minyan. Every additional person that comes afterwards is important, too, and compounds the effect. But the first ten make it all happen. The Talmud adds that the first ten get a reward equivalent to all the others that show up later, combined, even if there were a hundred more people (Berakhot 47b). But what if there are not ten? What if one is missing? The same page of Talmud discusses this, too. First, it suggests that a slave can count as the tenth, or a newly-emancipated slave. Rav Huna proposes that a Torah scroll in the aron can count as the tenth. Rav Ami suggests that Shabbat can count as a tenth, or that two great Torah scholars can count as three people! Rabbi Yochanan says a minor who is old enough to know how to pray and recognizes to Whom he is praying can count as the tenth, or at least as the third for a zimun before birkat hamazon.

Later rabbinic texts discuss that last point at length. The Shulchan Arukh (Orach Chayim 55:4) concludes that while there were those who permitted including a minor (over the age of 6) in extenuating circumstances, it generally should not be done. Surprisingly, there is one source (the Mordechi on Berakhot, #158) that suggests a woman might count in extenuating circumstances as well. Halakhah never went with that opinion. The general position is that, since women are technically exempt from praying, they cannot count in a minyan for prayer. (This is aside from the modesty issue, since men and women need to be physically separated as well.)

Rav Yosef Messas, rabbi of Tlemcen (now Algeria), and later chief rabbi of Haifa, Israel.

But what about something like a Megillah reading, in which women generally are obligated? (Megillah 4a) At least one opinion held that a woman might count for this, as the Meiri wrote: “Some say that for all cases in which a minyan of ten is necessary, if a woman’s obligation is equivalent to that of men, they may join the minyan.” (More on that here.) Today, it is not uncommon in the Modern Orthodox world for women to hold their own women-only Megillah readings. A related issue is reading publicly from the Torah. The Talmud (Megillah 23a) suggests that a woman theoretically could be called up to the Torah and read from the Torah publicly, but it shouldn’t be done due to issues of respect and modesty. But what if it’s an all-women congregation? Might that be allowed? Amazingly, Rav Yosef Messas (1892-1974), one of the great Sephardic chakhamim of the 20th century and chief rabbi of Haifa, wrote in his Nahalat Avot that there were indeed Sephardic communities in the past where women formed their own minyanim, read from the Torah, and even donned tallit and tefillin!

When we look back at our prophecies, they do describe a future time when “a woman will encircle a man” (Jeremiah 31:22) and, when the light of the moon—understood to represent the female—will once again be restored to its former glory and be equal to the “male” sun (Isaiah 30:26). Intriguingly, in Exodus 15:20-21 it says that Miriam took the women to sing their own song after the Splitting of the Sea, and the word used in reference to the women is lahem, instead of the feminine lahen. The Kli Yakar (Rabbi Shlomo Ephraim of Luntschitz, 1550-1619) comments: “It should have said lahen but because at the Sea the women reached the same level as the men in attaining prophecy, it says lahem, as if speaking to males, and so too this will be in the future, as it is stated, ‘A woman will encircle a man.’”

So perhaps the recent rise of women’s minyanim, along with the proliferation of beit yaakov schools for girls, women’s prayer groups, women’s Torah classes, women’s Megillah readings, women’s siddurim, and so many sefarim custom-tailored for women; yoatzot halakhah and popular rabbanit speakers; Rosh Chodesh gatherings, communal challah bakes, and the like, is yet another sign that we are in the times of the Final Redemption.

Iyar: The Month of Healing Marriages

This week (in the diaspora) we read the parasha of Kedoshim, literally “holy”. The name of the parasha is particularly significant, for although observing the entire Torah makes us holy, it is the laws of this parasha specifically that truly distinguish a holy person from the rest. This includes one of the most difficult mitzvot to fulfil: loving your fellow as yourself (Leviticus 19:18). It also includes honouring one’s parents (19:3 and 20:9), another one which our Sages describe as among the hardest to fulfil (Kiddushin 31b). Then there’s the mitzvah of not gossiping, which the Talmud holds to be the one transgression that everyone is guilty of to some extent (Bava Batra 165a). Several times in the parasha God reminds us to carefully observe Shabbat, which has so many halachic intricacies that it, too, is among the hardest mitzvot to fulfil properly.

Finally, towards the end of the parasha there is a long list of sexual prohibitions. Rashi comments (on Leviticus 19:2) that when God tells us to be kedoshim, “holy”, He is specifically referring to sexual purity. One can never be holy as long as they engage in any kind of sexually immoral behaviour. It should be noted that sexual purity does not mean celibacy. Unlike in some other religions and cultures, Judaism does not find sexual intimacy inherently sinful. On the contrary, when it is done between a loving couple in a kosher, monogamous union, then it is a holy act.

The classic Jewish text on sexual intimacy is Iggeret haKodesh, “the Holy Letter”. There we read how kosher sexual intimacy has the power to bring down the Shekhinah, God’s Divine Presence, “in the mystery of the Cherubs”. Interestingly, one of the Scriptural proofs for this is Jeremiah 1:5, where God says that before the prophet Jeremiah was born, and before he was even conceived, he was “sanctified” (hikdashticha) by God. An alternate way of reading this verse is that the act leading to conception is itself sanctified. The Arizal (Rabbi Isaac Luria, 1534-1572) added that at the climax of sexual intimacy, a couple “shines with the light of Ain Sof”, God’s Infinite Eminence (see Sha’ar HaPesukim on Kohelet).

Needless to say, to attain such a level requires that the couple is totally unified spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. It requires true love, going in both directions. This can be illustrated mathematically, where the gematria of love, “ahava” (אהבה), is 13, and when it flows both ways, 13 and 13 makes 26, the value of God’s Ineffable Name.

In our three-dimensional (x, y, z) universe, everything has six faces or sides.

Deeper still, the male and female are represented by the letters Vav and Zayin in the holy Hebrew alphabet. The letter vav has a phallic shape, and literally means a “hook” or “connection”, while zayin is a vav with a crown on top, since the woman is described as the “crown” of her husband (עטרת בעלה, as in Proverbs 12:4). Vav has a numerical value of six, and zayin follows with seven. Six is a number that represents the physical dimension, since all things in this three-dimensional world have six sides. The seventh is what’s inside that three-dimensional space, and therefore represents the inner, spiritual dimension. Naturally, this corresponds to the physical six days of the week and the spiritual Sabbath. And it relates to the male, represented by the physical six, and the female of the spiritual seventh.

The shapes of the letters vav, zayin, and chet (right to left), according to the ktav of the Arizal. 

The eighth is what transcends the three-dimensional space entirely. Eight represents infinity, and it is no coincidence that the international symbol for infinity is a sideways eight. In the Hebrew alphabet, the eight is the letter Chet. This letter represents the Chuppah, “marriage canopy”, of the vav (male) and zayin (female). If you look closely, the shape of the letter chet is actually a chuppah, and underneath it stand a vav and zayin, male and female.* Under the chuppah, their eternal, infinite (eighth) bond is forged. The vav and zayin combine into one, and when six and seven combine, they once more make 13, ahava, love.

(As a brief aside, the letter that follows in the alphabet is Tet, in the shape of a “pregnant” zayin, and with a numerical value of nine to represent the nine months of pregnancy.)

The Healing Power of Iyar

The parasha of Kedoshim teaches us that the greatest mark of holiness is sexual purity, especially a pure relationship between husband and wife. It isn’t a coincidence that this parasha is always read at the start of the month of Iyar, or in the Shabbat immediately preceding it (when we bless the month of Iyar). Our Sages teach us that Iyar (איר or אייר) is a month of healing, and stands for Ani Adonai Rofecha, “I am God, your Healer” (Exodus 15:26). There is even an old Kabbalistic custom to drink the first rain of the month of Iyar, for it is said to have healing properties.

For the Israelites that came out of Egypt, Iyar was a month of healing from their horrible past in servitude. It was in this month in particular that they were preparing for their meeting with God at Mt. Sinai. More accurately, it was not a meeting but a wedding, for the Divine Revelation at Sinai is always described as a marriage, with the mountain itself serving as the chuppah. This is the essence of the Sefirat haOmer period in which we are in, when we count the days in anticipation of our spiritual “wedding”, and spend each day focused on rectifying and healing a particular inner trait.

Just as this month is an opportune time to mend one’s relationship with God, it is an equally opportune time to mend one’s relationships with his or her significant other. Fittingly, the Rema (Rabbi Moshe Isserles, 1530-1572) wrote in his glosses to the Shulkhan Aruch that a divorce shouldn’t be done in the month of Iyar! (Even HaEzer 126:7) The reason for this is based on an intriguing legal technicality:

A bill of divorce (get), just like a marriage contract (ketubah) must be incredibly precise in its language. A tiny spelling error might invalidate the entire document. Rav Ovadia Yosef (1920-2013) was especially well-known for going through countless such contracts and repairing them, especially when it comes to the spelling of names. He was an expert in transliterating non-Hebrew names into their proper Hebrew spelling to ensure the validity of the marriage (or divorce) contract.

The same is true for spelling the other parts of the document, including the date. The problem with Iyar is that it has two spellings: איר and אייר. No one is quite sure which is more accurate. Though some say it doesn’t really make a difference how you spell Iyar, the Rema maintained that it is simply better to avoid getting divorced in Iyar altogether. When we remember that Iyar is the time for sanctifying ourselves, the time to focus on becoming kedoshim, and what that really means, we can understand the Rema on a far deeper level.

Embrace Your Other Half

The fact that the root of the problem is just one extra yud in the word “Iyar” is quite appropriate. The previously-mentioned Iggeret HaKodesh presents a classic Jewish teaching about man, “ish” (איש), and woman, “ishah” (אשה): The difference between these words is a yud and hei, letters that represent God’s Name. The similarity between them is aleph and shin, letters that spell esh, “fire”. The Iggeret HaKodesh states that when one removes the Godliness and spirituality out of a couple, all that’s left is dangerous fire. For a marriage to succeed, it is vital to keep it infused with spirituality. A purely physical, materialistic relationship built on lust, or chemistry, or socio-economic convenience is unlikely to flourish.

We further learn from the above that a couple must embrace each other’s differences (the yud and the hei). One of the most frustrating things in relationships is that men and women tend to view and experience things differently. In general, any two people will view and experience the same thing differently, and it is all the more difficult when the two are building a life together. It is important to remember that it is good to be different, to have alternate viewpoints, perspectives, and opinions. We should not be frustrated by this, but embrace it and use it to our advantage.

On that note, the Torah tells us that God made Eve to be an ezer k’negdo for Adam, an “opposing helper”. More accurately, our Sages teach us that Adam was originally a singular human with both male and female parts (Beresheet Rabbah 8:1). Only afterwards did God split this human into separate male and female bodies. (This is one reason why the Torah seemingly describes the creation of man twice, in Chapter 1 and 2 of Genesis.) So, when the Torah speaks of an ezer k’negdo following the “split” of Adam, it really refers to both husband and wife. Each is a helper opposite their spouse. The term k’negdo is of great importance, for it implies that men and women are inherently different, opposites, and it is because we are opposites that we can truly help each other. There wouldn’t be much use to being exactly the same.

Fulfilling the Mitzvah of “Love Your Fellow”

From the Torah’s description of the creation of the first couple, we can extract a few essential tips for a healthy marriage. One verse in particular stands out: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) First, it is critical to keep the parents and in-laws out of the relationship. Second, husband and wife must “cleave” unto each other—spend plenty of time together, and as is commonly said, to never stop “dating”. Third, they shall be “one flesh”; one body and soul. It is vital to understand that husband and wife are a singular unit. In fact, the Talmud states that an unmarried person is not considered a “person” at all, since they are still missing their other half (Yevamot 63a). Each half should keep in mind that their spouse’s needs are their own needs. And each spouse should always have in mind not what they can get out of the other, but what they can give.

Of course, being one means loving each other as one. The Talmud famously states that a man should love his wife as much as himself, and honour her more than himself (Yevamot 62b). We can certainly apply this in reverse as well, for a wife should similarly love her husband as much as herself, and honour him more. That brings us back to the most prominent verse in this week’s parasha: “love your fellow as yourself”. In Hebrew, it says v’ahavta l’re’akha kamokha, where “fellow” is not quite the best translation. In the preceding verse, the Torah says “your brother” (achikha) and “your friend” (amitekha). What is re’akha (רֵעֲךָ)?

In the Song of Songs, King Solomon’s intimate Biblical poem, he constantly uses the term ra’ayati (רַעְיָתִי) to refer to his beloved. This is the same term used in the sixth blessing of the Sheva Berachot recited under the chuppah and during a newlyweds’ first week of marriage: sameach tesamach re’im (רֵעִים) ha’ahuvim. The newlyweds are referred to as “fellows” in love. So, while it might be a tall order to love everyone like ourselves, we can certainly at least love our spouses this way. And that might be all it takes to fulfill the mitzvah.

Our Sages teach that the month of Iyar which we have just begun is a time for healing, and we have suggested here that is a particularly auspicious time for healing marriages. As it turns out, those two may be one and the same. In one of the longest scientific studies ever conducted, researchers at Harvard University tracked the lives and wellbeing of families for nearly a century. The conclusion: the single greatest factor in ensuring healthy and happy lives (or not) was marriage. Statistically speaking, those couples that had the best relationships tended to live the happiest and healthiest lives.

Our Sages left one last hint for us to make the connection between the month of Iyar and the Sefirat haOmer period with the necessity of building healthy marriages: It is on that very same page of Talmud cited above (Yevamot 62b) that the Sages tell us about the deaths of Rabbi Akiva’s students in the Omer period—in the month of Iyar. In fact, the very next passage after the Omer one deals with marriages, and begins: “A man who has no wife has no joy, no blessing, and no goodness…”

‘Jewish Wedding’ by Jozef Israëls (1824-1911)


*This is the way a chet is written according to Kabbalah, as explained by the Arizal. However, in most cases (especially in Ashkenazi tradition) a chet is written as two zayins.